Renewed in rain

I feel the rain falling

Coursing down my skin

Taking from me my pain

Sins from within

In it I find comfort

As this manna from heaven flows

Washing away the ugliness

Of thoughts nobody knows

I wish I could stay awhile more

Have this fill me to the brim

But I know I must leave soon

Leaving yet a layer that is grim

Will I conquer my darkness

Will I find tranquility this time

This is a lesson I ponder

As I step back into sunshine

Tempered frustration

I never expected much out of life other than the basics.  This notion applies to people too.  So imagine my distress yesterday when noticing the disrepair of my daughters clothing.  Not that I should complain I guess, but why would someone let their little girl go to school with several holes in their pants?  Granted, it was just the knee, but still.  Our child is not some lowly waif or abandoned orphan.  She has two parents that take care of her.  I assumed that my ex would be able to keep her in decent clothes, but really, is that too much?  So today, I decided to rectify some of this situation and took my girl shopping.  That was a fun experience in which I learned something I didn't know either, she owned no pairs of jeans.  Well, four pairs later and several tops and other items, I do believe she is good to go for a while.  I just am not looking forward to tomorrow night when I drop her off and the impending questioning begins.

Things like that just give me a big case of the grrrrrrrs!

Trying to figure things out

I will be the first to admit, I don't like the dating scene.  The entire being single and figuring out if someone likes you or if you like them.  Its so complicated.  Why can't it be simple?

Take the fact that there is a woman that I like, and she likes me the same way.  Problem is, she is already seeing someone.  How did I even get into that situation?  Why did she never tell me before that she was seeing someone?  And the feelings keep getting deeper and more complex.  Do I walk away?  Do I keep seeing other people to as potential for more than friends?

Well the answer to that is yes I do try and date and see how things are with other women too.  Am I hung up on one?  No.  I worry a little that I will move on and she may try and lay claim, but by then it is too late.  If things were simply she would give me more than the passing glance and a little thought.  And maybe there in lies the truth.  That I do worry and that holds me back.

How can one move forward when one is so sidetracked?

Money for profit

I've been doing some research lately in finding some extra ways to pull in cash.  Why I for one, have no issues pulling in a side job doing computer work on occasion for friends or family, yet I find it just more for recreation versus the moolah.  So, recently I have been reading up on donating plasma in my area.  In what have found, it seems they pay out around $20 bucks or so, just to drain you of blood for an hour.  To me it seems like it is too easy, but who am I to turn down a sawbuck right?  I am thinking of signing up Monday and seeing how it goes.  Results to follow.

But I ask, if I do that frequently enough, does it technically make me a cow?

Moo

And so it begins

Wow, it has been a long time since I kept an online blog of whats new and happening in the life of the DeanMachine.  So sit back, stay awhile and ladle up a helping of Brain Stew.  If the stew needs some more zest, feel free to add some pumpernickel and comment it up.  Gotta love spice peeps, it keeps us going.

Today I am going to hit a wondering, a rant, some questions about life, relationships, and what ifs.  I know some good friends of mine are a bit frustrated with my current girl situation, myself included.  Not to knock my friends, but I am doing what I feel is best, even if it does not seem readily apparent now, if ever.  Some things I have a hard time letting go of, others, I may hope or long to much for.  I feel to a degree that I am in a crossroads of life, just waiting for one person to make a move and allow me to push all others aside.  Now who this is with, I do not know.  Is it possible that I am spreading myself to thin by exposing myself to too many people at once?  Perhaps, but then again, isn't it best to find out as much as you can to make an informed decision?  Time will tell. I have hopes, and wishes for some things to be different.  Even if it is as simple as being able to spend one night alone with someone.  It might be all that it takes to move things forward.